On Motherhood, Like if Anyone Cares.

Some days I would like to take a vacation from motherhood, I wish I could say “I need to take a personal day, can you hold that thought until I am back from leave?”  Specially when its 3AM and I have to wake up to a bed full of vomit or when I am completely and utterly exhausted and there is not a drop of milk, crumb of bread or sliver of ham, and I have to make myself go to the grocery store to pick up food for the little people who solely depend on me. And specially when I get the teenage eye-roll or snarky comments, specially then.   We have all heard it a million times about how hard and excruciatingly exhausting it is, yet how rewarding and awesome and fulfilling and blah blah blah…..  We know the script, its everywhere.

But here is the truth about motherhood (note and side tangent: this is my own personal experience, thoughts and feelings about my own motherhood, does not mean it has to be yours.  Also, if you have chosen that motherhood is not for you, I 100% respect and value that, so carry on sister.)  I have always lived my life thinking that I am responsible for passing on valuable lessons to my children, that I have to make the right choices for them, and that they will be formed into the humans that they were meant to be, solely because of what I teach them.

Lately, like in the past year or so-which constitutes lately for me, I have been experiencing a change on how I view this whole motherhood thing.  The mother-child relationship has shifted, I have started to realize that those three children of mine have been and probably will always remain, my greatest teachers when it comes to life.

They have taught me first and foremost how to LOVE them appropriately.  And by this I mean that first I’ve had to start loving myself, because if there is no self-love, then there is nothing to give to them.  That has been an honest truth for myself.  By being kind and gentle with me, I am able to be kind and gentle with them.

They are daily instructors on patience, perseverance, tolerance, compassion, acceptance, kindness.  Wow. I would have never imagined in a million years that my own children were going to teach me so much, I thought it was supposed to be the other way around.

I am grateful that those three beings came into my life, I am thankful for each and everyday I get to spend with them, because they are awesome duh, but also because they are reminders that my greatest life lessons always come from the most unexpected of places, and my hope is to remain with and open heart and an open soul for the remainder of my motherhood so that I am continuously taught.

To my Isabella, Sergio and Felipe, thank you for being the teachers you were meant to be.

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Photo credit: @sergionarvaez

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No Resolutions Here, Rather I’ll Start a Revolution

I was sitting in Mass on New Years Day, and I was as surprised as any to find myself there to be honest, I am not a dedicated Mass goer.  However, I woke up on the first day of 2016 and a little voice in the back of my head was whispering: “go to mass, there might be something there for you.” And so I got up, groggy as we had gone to bed at 2:30 AM after a full night of family gatherings, little children shenanigans and well everything that comes along with those two things, enough said.

I got dressed and hurried out of our hotel room, as we were on vacation in Florida.  The mass started and I was sleepy, so very sleepy and started to regret listening to that little voice, who the hell is that little voice anyway?  But I started to really focus on what the priest was saying to not think of my tiredness, and then I heard it, this young priest said exactly the nugget of wisdom that had called out to me that morning, and the whole reason why I had to be there: “let’s forget about resolutions, instead lets start revolutions.”

At that point I hadn’t even thought about what my new years resolutions would be if any, but it struck me right then and there, that I wanted to start a revolution, a personal one that is.  I wanted to listen and explore who that little voice was, I want to get to know that little voice.  I started to look back and think about all the times that I have listened, really listened, meaning I have actually done what that little voice says, and I can’t think of a single moment when I regretted following it’s instructions.  So, who then is that Little Voice? Where does it come from? How does it know?

I don’t know, but that my friends will be my personal revolution of 2016, I will get to know, and hell, maybe even become besties with the Little Voice.

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New Year’s Fireworks. photo credit: gabynarvaez